Why, New York

I often think it is important to evaluate why we go through so much in the most expensive, crowded city in the world (or so it seems). I recently spent a week in the south and everything was easier. You could get a house with some friends, space for rehearsals and start a theatre company. A lot of people from my hometown can’t understand why I stayed in the city after college, or even went there in the first place. It’s always been a no brainer for me. I’ve had a plan since I was 8. Middle school, then high school, then college at NYU. It was always part of the plan. I left out the last part. Paris. Since I was little, I was going to move to Paris after college. So the time came and what happened… here I am. Why would I leave? I have moments of disbelief, awe, happiness – sometimes it can happen so easily, just by looking up.

You might be getting more than you bargained for. Deal with it. It’ll be good for you to actually learn something about me.

Getting up is not always the hardest part. Surprisingly, I am a morning person - 75% of the time. I take cold showers. Almost always. It’s refreshing and good for you and gets my day started with a zing. Since I have my iphone, my day usually starts with some wonderful music that makes me smile as I walk down the street, basking in the cool morning air and the moon as it faintly hovers above the brick buildings of the east village. I’ve pretty much got the train timed out, I get on the R and usually get to work in 10-15 minutes.

I am still a temp, but I got lucky that my first temp job was so giving. Because I am a temp I have to sign into the building every day, show my drivers license to the same clerk I see every day. Sometimes they tell me I need another form of ID, even through I’ve been showing up there every morning at the same time, for the last 4 months.

I go upstairs and have to wait for someone to come by and let me in, because my pass does not activate until 8am and I am always early. I walk down the clothing rack lined hall to my rather large cubicle , confident because I am in before my boss and can get things ready for her. My boss is an amazing woman and an amazing businesswoman. Like, seriously powerful and respected and good at what she does – CEO of Aeropostale. I like working for her and things are getting busy now that I may become a salaried employee by the end of the month. The environment is fun and young. Whenever someone says Hi to me I giggle and smile almost uncontrollably after they pass, excited that I am one step closer to becoming a part of this culture. Sometimes I go get coffee, and it’s awesome because I feel important as I strut through Macy’s with a purpose. They love me because I am cute and efficient and I aim to please.

Now, you may think to yourself, this doesn’t sound bad. What could possibly make you appreciate this city if you have nothing to break out of to have a “gasp! Moment.” Well. I’m not complaining.

Recently, I stay at work late and don’t take lunch, then head straight to Bushwick or wherever to go to rehearsal from 7-11pm. I’m stage managing a show that I’ve worked on before. I don’t do anything during rehearsal and it’s a lot of time and effort for no pay and a little gratification. But it’s theatre. By the time I get home its midnight perhaps, and by the time I get my shit together, I feel like it’s time to wake up again.

On really good days I come home to my roommate Brian, a person whom I have had a long (11 years) and wonderful friendship. Walking in and seeing him on the couch turns me into a puppy dog. He doesn’t say much, and a lot of times ignores my affection, but he has become my home. Sometimes we do silly things, and the fact that he is here, in my life, is one reason Why, New York. On even more fantastic days like today, I come home and our third roommate, Erin, who we have also know for-ev-er, is home for 5 minutes before leaving for work. We are fearless. We are family.

Our apartment is small but a decent deal for its location. It is cozy and our home. My door doesn’t open all the way because my bed takes up the whole space, and the floors are a rollercoaster – to the point where I notice standing on flat ground. This is Why, New York.

There is not a beach within ten minutes, no California burritos or 180 degree sunsets over the pacific or hanggliding and I cannot wear my rainbows 365 days a year or drive my car. But I walk down 9th street at night, down the middle of the street with no cars, the little shops with their Christmas lights and Tompkins Park at the end of the road, leaves and flowers littering the sidewalk, the moon (always a present figure in my life) capping the scene like the star on a Christmas tree. This is Why, New York.

I know this city better than anyone. I’ve mapped my memories, drawing them in crayon all over this city. I’ve seen art and lights and done somersaults in the grass moats of castles and gone kayaking on the Hudson and running through Times Square in shorts in the middle of winter and wanderign around for hours, flipping coins and turning corners. This is Why, New York.

I spent all 4 years of college here. Experiencing my first memorable snowfall, making friends, making theatre, staying up late, walking, walking, walking… Wondering how on earth people just know what subway letters and numbers go together and how people know exactly where they’re going – only to wind up knowing the system like the inside of my eyelids. This is Why, New York.

I’ve gone on trips and traveled the world and always come home. The bus back at night makes my heart skip a beat. Seeing the lights from the bridges and knowing what I am coming back to. This is Why, New York.

Everywhere else, people walk. Here, people run. Not just for fun or exercise. Because people have places to be, things to do, people to see. Walking isn’t good enough. I share knowing nods with other people in suits, running through midtown. I push through people and don’t care if I hit them or anything because it’s always their fault. I know what I’m doing. You don’t. I can pretend like I am angry. This is Why, New York.

While I have been living here, I have fallen in and out of loves. I know what it’s like to be in love in this city, to be floating through the streets the way they only talk about in New Pornographer songs. I have made friendships - the city seems to help us pick up wherever we leave off. I may always live miles from those I love most, and sometimes it doesn’t seem fair that people I don’t care about are in my life everyday and the ones I care about the most are not. But the city sweeps me away and this is Why, New York.

The moments, the ones that make you take a deep breath and smile, even if it’s just for a second, happen to me every day. And that is Why, New York.